Gap-Mom: The Pros of a Sibling Gap

Growing up I had it all figured out. Married by 24, three kids by 30, three years apart. The perfect life. Except life has a way of laughing in the face of plans conceived, and I found myself 26 and pregnant with my first child, a definite oopsie. The cart came before the horse, but we sure do love that little cart.

The concept of having only one child never entered the realm of possibility for me, having come from such a large family myself (5 kids), but as the years ticked by, and no other babies came along, I had to face the reality that I would have one child only. I won't lie, it stung just a wee bit, but I had a great kid with a great guy and I was happy, so I grew more comfortable with the idea. We would be that house that lavishes all of our attention and resources on this one SUPER kid.

The Cart came before the Horse, but we sure do love that little Cart.

Again, life has a way of throwing curve balls at you and lo and behold, when Swell "L" was eight years old, we welcomed Baby D into the family.

I worried during the pregnancy about what such a large age gap would mean for our family and what sort of effect it would have on our oldest daughter. Now, two years in I can say that all of my concerns were for naught, and have come to realize that big age gaps between siblings can be totally great and here are just a few of the reasons why;

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1. You have an extra set of hands around. I don't want to point out the obvious, but babies are a lot of work, and I am not ashamed to say that my older daughter has been a HUGE support system for me. She is a diaper and wipe fetching dynamo, she would ask to help with formula feeds, and sometimes it was as simple as sitting with the baby and making her giggle while I ran to the washroom. These were never things she did grudgingly, she has been enamored with her sister since the first day she laid eyes on her. I sometimes joke that I don't know how I did it the first time without Swell "L" there to help me. Little toddlers with siblings want to help too, don't get me wrong, but the level of efficiency is usually lacking!

2. When you have an age gap between kids it can make the transition to a new family member easier. Older kids are less likely to be jealous of a younger sibling and if jealousy does arise, they are better equipped to articulate their feelings, where as younger children may just lash out physically. I won't say there has been zero jealousy in our home. Our oldest daughter has expressed some concerns that a lot of our time was spent with the baby in the early days, but for the most part she has been able to understand why her little sister may need a little extra attention now and then. Additionally, we can explain to her that her sister is not receiving any attention that we did not also lavish on her as a baby as well.

3. More sleep for the parental units. This one is a big perk of having a large age gap between your kids. Having a newborn in the house is exhausting. Add a toddler into the mix who may not sleep well with multiple interruptions in the night and you have a recipe for one tired mama the next day. I am not up in the night with multiple children, this mean more sleep for them, more sleep for my husband and a rested mama for my family. Everyone wins.

4. Lower child care cost (Later down the road). This is one of those,'now we play the waiting game' type of situations. She may not be old enough now, but someday when Swell "L" is 16, and Baby D is 8, Their Dad and I are going on a date! I am not above letting my teenager look after a younger sibling for an hour while I grocery shop in peace, and you better believe I tend to take advantage of their age gap when that glorious day comes. Think (relatively) free babysitting!

5. Child care is not the only way you will save money, hand-me downs are another great perk of age gaps between kids. Now this only applies if you have a hoarder mentality like I do, and keep everything "just in case." This also only really applies when you have two or more of the same gender, but I have personally saved tons of cash by recycling clothes and toys through the house. I have spent too much money on My Little Pony dolls to throw them out and start from scratch!

6. Having a big age gap can help children feel like individuals, some psychologist claim. Children have the time and space to develop their own interests, far removed from any influence. It also gives each child individualized time to "be the baby". There are 14 months between my brother and I and 14 months between my sister and I. Having that many children in diapers and at different levels of development must have been tough. Add a full time job working mid-nights and I don't know how my mother made it through to the other side with her sanity in tact. Larger gaps between your children gives every parent and child in the family the opportunity to spend one on one time together developing those essential bonds, with fewer interruptions.

7. They don't fight! (As much). Okay so an age gap is not going to make bickering among your kids magically disappear. My kids have an eight year gap and they still squabble from time to time, but at least they aren't (usually) fighting over toys!

8. Probably the best and my personal favorite reason why age gaps rock; Our youngest child will always have an older sibling to watch her back! Baby D has someone she can turn to for advice and friendship for a lifetime (and probably a free ride to the mall from time to time). The BEST feeling in the world as a mom is watching my girls love one another and it gives me a bit of peace of mind, knowing that they have each other to lean on, long after their dad and I are gone. I am sometimes tempted to say that I wish Baby D had come a wee bit sooner, my family dynamic is not what I thought I wanted, but at the end of the day, I wouldn't change a thing.

Are you considering adding to your family but worry too much time has passed since "the baby stage" tornadoed through your house? Do you have a story of how the age gap in your family has benefited your life? Comment Below!!!